Chelsie's start to Fat Week

Fat week officially began Sunday night. Cheesy, fatty, gooey goodness to be consumed through mouth, mind and possibly intravenously. 

I started of my Fat week with al dente Fettuccini smothered and covered in homemade meatballs with marinara. It was amazing! I loved every single morsel, I consumed it in traditional American fashion, a monstrous OVERSIZED portion. There are no leftovers! So fettuccini and meatballs I bid you farewell.

Monday night, my guilt pleasure was meatloaf with mash potatoes and gravy. I then proceeded to indulge myself in the most unhealthy late night snack.... A big juicy, artery clogging cheeseburger from Chilis. That was probably not the best idea considering I went to bed with indigestion and woke up feeling nauseous.

I woke up yesterday and started my normal routine... Walk outside and inhale my addiction. I normally smoke 3 cigarettes before my children even get on the school bus. This part of my day will be the hardest to break! I'm not sure I will want to get out of bed on Sunday. But I will push myself, I will succeed.

My nerves are going nuts thinking about putting that little green box containing arsenic down..... It isn't even Sunday and I'm already feeling the anxiety! I'm also ready to quit, I wanted to start monday, but was unsure if I would feel the same tomorrow. So as it stands, my set date will remain. 

I go through my head already thinking about excuses that are worth enough to allow me just one more hit! 

What if I'm upset? 

What if there is an argument? 

What if I wake up and forget out of habit? 

What if it is just one?

I'm nervous that I won't be strong enough. I'm nervous that I will be strong enough! I don't know how to live my life without smoking. 

What will I do with my hands?

What will I do when I cry?

What will I do when I'm stressed?

What will food taste like? And if it tastes good will I want to reintroduce my taste buds to all things I love?

I repeat this over and over even now before I have started....

It is a man's own mind, not his enemy or foe, that lures him to evil ways. 

Discipline is remembering what you want.

I will choose discipline over regret for the first time in my existence.