Day 1

I woke up this morning, with a heaping bit of aggravation, which just intensified when I realized smoking was a vice I no longer had.


Initially my anger stemmed from being woken up extra early on my only day off. Why? I then went through a shit ton of emotions and thoughts like;

Why is the house dirty?
Why are the kids fighting?
I don't want a boyfriend!
Pizza...mmm!
I'm not ready to quit!
What the fuck was I thinking trying to give up cigarettes.
I can do this!!
Pizza..mmm!

I had to halt my mind. Breathe Chelsie breathe. Visualize, relax.... Yea relax my ass I'll rip a cigarette out of a strangers mouth at this point. I want to venture out, but I am afraid I'm like a ravage, raging mental patient that has been locked up and deprived for 20 years.

I decided to bike ride. Yea that's it, full on bike riding will make me a better person. Yea uh huh! I was doing fine, I was free and not thinking about smoking or my lack of food. The wind was in my face I felt accomplished. I rode for a while, and then like a ton of bricks it hit me....that damn squeaky ass pedal was the only thing I could think of. The wind was no longer in my face, only the annoying squeaking in my ear. I was not feeling accomplished, I only felt like I wanted to throw that bike under an 18 wheeler. Why was it annoying me? I thought it was my friend, why is it picking on me? The only thing I could think about was ripping the chain off of that thing and watching it suffer in cold metal. I couldn't get it out of my mind.....and then she returned, my cigarette demon. She was on the porch lounging on the bench smoking 2 cigarettes a once. She was taunting me. She was smiling, laughing, blowing little perfect smoke rings, luring me to her.... Bitch. Oh how I hate her. Evil evil...just pure trickery.

I didn't throw that damn bike under a truck, I rode it safely home. But the damn thing must of felt my hatred and annoyance with it, because as soon as I parked it and tried to get off my foot got stuck and down I went. Ugh, I hate that bike! Anyways....

So for breakfast I had half a banana and half a grapefruit with water Yumm! << Lunch I had a tomato, one carrot cut up and 3 teaspoons of Greek yogurt mixed with dill, cucumber, pepper and fresh garlic.

My children had leftover pizza and bread with butter. At one point I saw myself leap across the table and rip the pizza straight out of their mouths. Oh I wanted it so bad I considered a full on linebacker tackle. Hell I'm faster than them, they will never catch that pizza. I refrained!

I ate my raw food in silence, while a smile, envying those kids more than anything.

Weigh in today....

106.6lbs. which I'm pretty sure my scale is broken cause my stomach is the size it was when I was pregnant.

Measurement today...

Waist 87.5cm
Booty 87.5 cm
Right thigh 51 cm
Left thigh 51.5 cm


-Chelsie